Friday, June 30, 2006
6:24 PM
You Are 30% Boyish and 70% Girlish
Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.
Ok, enough crap. Just finished all common tests and the most critical one, O LEVEL CHINESE ORAL!!! God, the road between the 2 female examiners and I seemed so long, like a never-ending pathway. My legs were so jelly-like I thought I could trip and fall flat on my face anytime. Passage reading was ok. It was the conversation!! Goodness, the question asked was so "cheem" when they could actually just ask it in simple Chinese- "Do you agree that young Singaporeans are unable to go through hardship?" instead of describing them as "some flowers in a pot".
My whole mind went blank and I didn't know what to say, no ideas came out. I felt that my heart was going to pop out of my mouth any minute, the whole room was air-conditioned and only one thought kept flitting through my mind: It's cold, it's cold, it's freezing. When can I get out of here?
The teachers kept prompting me, giving me hints. My voice was stammering in that intense, quiet atmosphere. In fact, I can't believe it's me that's talking, it sounded like someone strange and unknown.
I think I'm going to fail oral. But, PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!! MIRACLES MUST APPEAR TO SALVAGE ME FROM DANGER!! AH!!!
I must have an A!! Be it A1 or A2. JUST GIVE ME A STUPID FREAKING DAMN A!!!
no words can express
my love for you
Saturday, June 24, 2006
11:33 PM
SINGAPORE LIFE CHURCH ROX!!! I don't think I'm ever going to leave this church. After all, it's sort of like my second home there, considering the fact I've been there since I was an infant.
Anyway, today was Parents Nite, and we teens were supposed to prepare dinner for all our parents...lol...Reached church at 5 plus and saw Daniel and Ziyi already barbecuing chicken while Marissa was preparing the soup and salad. Heard from her that they went Plaza Singapura at 10 in the morning to shop for ingredients. Gosh! And I was still in bed that time. All the parents were in room 3-2 having some meeting before heading downstairs for dinner. Ha! I learned how to chop bread today! Well, in the slanted way of course. I was actually peeling parsley when Gabriel chop bread chop until very frusrated. So I decided to take over...not too bad...the bread looks the slanted, fanciful curve it should look. Child prodigy since it's my first time chopping bread that way! Appetizers was chicken vegetable soup with the bread followed by BBQ chicken cutlet as the main course. Desert was the "Oreo-Lemon Cheese Cake" Daniel made. While they were having their meal, I was asked to play the piano for entertainment...not too bad, considering I have the company of Mervyn, Matthias, Marissa and Gabriel. Mervyn and I took turns to play so I wasn't too exhausted. Uncle Mike requested for the "Da Chang Jin" theme song. Goodness! Luckily I heard the song for countless times so I just played it using my intuition for chords and melody. Then Caleb and Daniel sang a few songs...the chords were nice, since they were last-minute preparation...cool!! Both of you rock!!
The cheese cake was simply delectable...no one would believe it was home-made. Really, the base was crispy while the top part was so creamy and soft. Must really learn from Daniel...lol...
Frankly speaking, it's times like these that provides me a sense of belonging to the church. Thinking back, I've seen people coming in, people leaving. Throughout this 16-17 years, I feel that I'm still stationary. I haven't moved despite the people around me leaving and arriving. From Aunty Janet, Sheena, Aaron to Vania, Terence and Hannah. Well, maybe it's time I move on with life too...I shouldn't keep holding on to the hope that someday "someone" will return. It's time I took a step forward and embrace the new world that's in front of me...Thinking of "someone" that I'll never see again for my whole life will only cause me grief, nothing but sadness.
I'm wishing for a fantasy that will never happen. I should accept reality because I'm finally left with no choice. It's painful, but someday I know it definitely beats suffering more at the end of this whole thing.
no words can express
my love for you
Thursday, June 22, 2006
12:01 AM
Your IQ score is 120
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Precision Processor. This means you're exceptionally good at discovering quick solutions to problems, especially ones that involve math or logic. You're also resourceful and able to think on your feet. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
Ha ha...checked from Wikipedia and found out my percentile range's about 91-95 percent. Felt so comforted, I mean, at least I'm not as "idiotic" as I always thought I was. For gifted people, their IQ's 130 and above. If only I could use my IQ to do well in my studies...haiz...studied Physics today and felt like dying. 24 chapters...oh God! And I'm not done with Bio and Chem and SS and A-Maths and E-Maths. Wow!!
Audition at AJ was okay today...not too bad. Met 4 Maris Stella High guys who were also there for audition. They were so friendly...kept joking and talking...2 of them were auditioning for VJ at a later time today after AJ. Good luck to them!! Now my fate lies in the teachers' hands...hopefully everything will turn up fine...
no words can express
my love for you
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
12:48 AM
Because of You
Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You felt so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
no words can express
my love for you
Saturday, June 17, 2006
12:50 PM
How I wished life was a fairytale...being the perfect person when born, meeting your "Prince Charming" and the best part, living happily ever after in a grand castle. No worries, no troubles...how nice it would be. But for me, this wish will never come true in my whole life.
Went blog hopping and saw something I didn't like in my friend's blog. I'm not gonna say what it was since this is open to everyone. All I can say is it was rather disturbing.
Sometimes I wonder why do we create blogs? What is the purpose? To see how many of your friend's links you have and who links you in return? To count the number of tags you have in your tagboard? Or simply just to record your day-to-day events in this little webpage that belongs to you?
Basically, I think my blog's rotting away, no one's tagging at my board, no one notices my blog...the only thing that's keeping it "alive" is my constant, continuous, unceasing effort to post my entries here. I don't know why, but when I saw all my friend's blog...most of them have at least 100 messages in their board. What about me? Lol...not even 50. Maybe my close friends are busy...and most of them don't have a blog. Oh well...anyway I'm going to close this blog soon...gosh, and it's not even 1 year old!!
no words can express
my love for you
Friday, June 16, 2006
4:27 PM
Haiz...only 10 days left to common tests and 5 days to my audition at AJ. What am I going to do?? I'm freaking out because I haven't touched Chemistry and Physics one bit. And I'm required to remember 10 Social Studies chapters that are nothing but facts. At least History has a storyline in it but SS? There's not even a storyline there...what the hell! Even Biology is better than that as I can, well, study about my own body. Lol...Physics die liao!! It's not that I don't know all the formulas...it's that I don't know how to apply them!! Chemistry...salts, acids and bases...my weakest chapters... it's totally congratulations to me. The reason why I never mentioned English until now is because I already anticipated the results even before I take the stupid common test. Because given my stringent teacher, the only result I'll get is a FAIL on my paper. It'll truly be a miracle if I ever pass...A-Maths and E-Maths are "cope-able" to me for the current moment. Luckily for now, I have no Chinese to worry about except my O-Level result.
There are many a time that I would look out of my balcony at the blackened sky, watching those stars dancing happily away and I would wonder how nice it would be if I were one of them. No worries...no troubles...so wonderful...but for now, my "death day" is approaching...lol.
no words can express
my love for you
Thursday, June 15, 2006
3:58 PM
Today's such a busy day...well, to me it is. Mummy, Brian and I went to Toa Payoh's BK for breakfast, then took 88 to school to get my Social Studies textbook and my CCA Certificate aka CCA Records. Headed to General Office to ask if the classroom was locked and they, after questioning me about why I left it in class, then told me they didn't know. So I climbed up the stairs to my classroom, only to find that both doors were locked! Didn't know where to find Aunty but I reckoned she would be in the toilet. True to my suspicions, she was really in the female washroom. Asked her for the key and then went to get my Sec 4 book.
Then my next destination would be the HOD room cos I need to find Mr Ling for CCA Records. Kai Hui, Michelle and Roy were already in there. Not too bad, at least I wouldn't be too lonely and afraid...lol...I was shocked to learn that all my achievements had to be from memory. Gosh! I forgot all the things I did in when I was Sec 1...so following the guidelines, I somehow or rather managed to tell Mr Ling all my achievements during the 4-year-period in band. Haiz...I think my chances of entering would be rather low, cos unlike the other 3 of them, I don't have any leadership postions...and usually priorties always go to them...die liao...
We took 851 down to Ang Mo Kio Community library next to renew 2 of my books and return 2. So lucky...I happened to find a Charmed book by chance...and it's somewhat one of the later editions too...
We ordered Student Meals at Jack's Place for lunch...and then rode a direct bus home.
After blogging...I think I must get down to my books...my Physics cannot make it liao!! I even forgot all my formulas and how to apply them. And I'm supposed to study the whole book for my Common Test...this time round is really good luck to me...lol...
no words can express
my love for you
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
12:07 AM
I guess today's blog's gonna be a rather long one...please bear with me as I reminsced the events that happened the past few days...
Band Camp
Thursday
Arrived in school at 12:30pm and found the flutes practising their ensemble piece Canon in D...well...in terms of rhythms and notes, it's rather ok. The most important thing is to blend in the music because each player enters at a different time...lol...being a Sec 4, I should say other than O Levels, is quite enjoyable. No need to stay overnight in hot, stuffy classrooms instead of the usual band room I had in the past 3 years, better still, we get to settle our own meals instead of eating those packed meals. Had practice till 6+ and then proceeded home. Didn't stay for games.
Friday
Reported at 10:30am after having breakfast at MacDonalds. Annerson came today to help tutor us and to shape us up for our ensemble performance tonight. Well, actually it was "theirs"...but because the tutor said that having 5 people distributed among 3 parts was rather unbalanced, I then joined in to sort of..."balance" it...What disturbs me is that I still feel nervous even though I should be unfazed about it since I was just there as a "background supporter". After our ensemble, Mr Tan described it as "the worst performance ever"...lol...this is something I should question...I mean, we can't be that bad...he then told Cladys "I had lost my trust in you." Whoa! That left me flabbergasted...despite Cladys remaining calm, I know her heart must have shattered to pieces. I mean, if I were her, I would have broken down into sobs...Mr Tan should take note that we were only given 2 days and not 2 months to work on our pieces...given the juniors' calibre and capabilities, it was already a job rather well done. He shouldn't have condemned them to a state as the worst piece played in AMKSS band history. I should have known things would turn out to be this way. It's not that I didn't express my concerns about this piece. That it was too long, thus causing the players to lost count in the middle part since they come in at different places. Till now, I still preferred "Whistle While You Work" or "Chim Chim Cher-Ee". At least they were shorter...oh well, what's done cannot be undone. I didn't stay for long...went home immediately after the performance. Watched Spirited Away...a touching story.
Saturday
Woke up at 6:30am. And the sun wasn't even up yet...it shouldn't even be said as the "crack of dawn". Daddy fetched me to school at 7am. Prepared for our Sec 4s & 5s recollection concert and proceed down to the parade square to rehearse our Passing Out Parade. It was fine till afternoon when the sun was right above our heads. Despite the scorching sun, we relentlessly continued our rehearsals. Heard from Cheng Song that the previous night, the 3 leaders were given 100 pushups as punishment for their inefficieny and lack of initiative to lead the band. But it wasn't their fault. They (Yunxi, Winston and James) have just assumed their positions and still have lots to learn. We can't expect them to "soar" when they can't even "walk". I know time is of the essence since we'll be stepping down but this is also what they need. The poor Sec 3s too. And I thought waking up so early was pure torture. I soon changed my mind when I heard that they were called at 7am and given only 15 minutes to wash up and gather at the parade square. From there, they were made to run 2 rounds around the school compound. So we, as gruaduating students, were requested to show our concerns to them to help boost their morale. Cladys said she had an intuition that we would win the Best Section Award when we were on the way to the wash room to dress up. After all, she deduced that last night Mr Tan spent more effort on us in shaping up our playing. During rehearsal, he even spent slightly more time in correcting our marching...especially mine. I think I'm the worst. I don't even know which leg to start with. Pick out any Sec 1 or 2 and I can assure you 100% they'll do much better than me. So embarrassing to be called a Sec 4...lol...
True to her words, we were really called for the Best Section. I was so shocked I was at a loss what to do. I immediately placed my flute down and lined up together with the other juniors. From there, I was totally a messed...kekenang also do wrongly...even took the prize away until Cheng Song called me...so sia suay. After parade, we headed up to the hall for our concert. Played through till the last note...and then all of us had the usual "crying parade" as always, started by the emotional Cladys. I, influenced by her, then continued. Even Xue Yi also cried...so ironic! It's like, suddenly, in a flash, everything's over. Faster than I expected. Before that, I awaited for this day for so long and when it finally arrived, I wished time would hasten its speed, so reluctant to let go. I guess this is just me...
So now, I just want to thank all of my juniors in the flute section and wish them all the best in all that they do.
Cladys: Thank you so much for having faith in me during the concert...when I said I would help you in the last page of the 3rd movement of Postcard since we didn't couldn't find the score at the last minute...lol...don't ever do that again...ha ha...better to arrange scores in the file than to have it flying all around during the actual nerve-recking performance...don't fret if you come across new pieces. Ask those whose music is good to teach you the rhythms...and lastly, strive for the best as the SL. You can do it!
PS: And I still haven't taught you El Camino Real...lol...
Jaslyn: Thank you for being there through these years...must comfort Cladys if she's down or feeling depressed, thinking she's incapable of leading the section...especially when SYF is drawing near and the pressure is too great for her to handle it along.
Xue Yi: Thank you for all your lame jokes...they really cheer me up when I'm not feeling happy...and I'm grateful to you for sharing my laughter...ha ha... "Da Pao Zai Ding" (Canon in D)...
Joycelin and Marcus: Thanks for being there in the section...providing me a sense of belonging. Especially Marcus...as lame as Xue Yi...ha ha...being lame is not a liability, it's an asset...at least it is to me...
Also, to Jessica, an "ex-flute" member...thank you for being a friend and confiding in me...please don't ever entertain the thought of quitting. You're already a Sec 3...before you realize it, you'll be having your own graduating concert just like me. No matter how high the pressure is, especially next year during SYF...don't ever give up...press on...look to your section or close friends for comfort. If possible, I'll try to come back, I assure you...
Last but not least...
Mr Tan: Thanks for all the guidance and direction you've gave me for the past 4 years.
To the section as a whole, must strive for Best Section Award again next year...
To the band, must go for Gold With Honours during SYF...all of you have that potential...unleash it and you can do it!!
no words can express
my love for you
Sunday, June 04, 2006
11:15 PM
Life's a kaleidoscope of events...the passing of time is really beyond my control, beyond my grasps...in the blink of an eye, it's finally the June holidays...and I'm having an audition tomorrow at Temasek. Haiz...hope I'll get accepted...my greatest fear is the no JC will want me...given my crap results (ugh!). Please don't let that come true...I'm really nervous...didn't practise my flute at all, lol...
Finished Chinese O Levels 7 days ago, on Monday...screwed it up...haiz. Nothing else to add.
Went balloon hat festival yesterday. Had such a fun time there, other than messing up the dance steps...whatever! Was so afraid my balloon hat would burst...cos mine was a dark colour and thus, is a good absorber of heat. Besides, my hat did burst last year and I had a splitting headache after that...apparently some people just didn't understand my phobia and made a hell of noise out of it...worst still, it's a junior who's being so disrepectful to a senior...I certainly hope the person does a self-analysis of his/her own doings. Other than that, I should say it was rather fun...despite the long walk I had to do...
Next week's band camp, which is going to conclude with the POP (Passing Out Parade) ceremony. Then I'm left with about 2 weeks to mug for my common tests. Following that would be the Prelimary Examinations...and after that, it's finally the all-awaited O Levels again!! Time really flies...4 years of being a student in AMKSS and AMKSS band is finally coming to an end...
Yesterday's in the past, today is in the present and tomrorow is in the future...once a day passes, it'll never return again. So peeps, let's live each day to the fullest and without regrets!!
no words can express
my love for you