Today is the last paper of O Levels, History. But I'm totally in no mood to study. I wanna vent all my anger in this post. So please bear with me...
YOU'RE SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE BEAST! Loathesome, abhorrent, abominable, vile, repugnant, disgusting, vicious...the sum of all this words are still unable to describe you. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??? 3 years...I've held my passion for you for 3 years...even after you've left. It's ok if you remain single, because I can continue living in my fantasy world with the mindset that you belong to me, only to me. Now? You belong to someone else, your eyes only shimmer for her, everything you do, you do it for her, only she can give you true happiness. My passion for you is not reciprocated at all!
My friends keep persuading me to confess. But I know I can't. You wanna know why? Because if I follow my heart and do it impulsively, lots of people will be involved. My family, not to mention yours, even all the people around me will be implicated. Most importantly, if I face rejection, I will not be able to take it!
Despite the fact we live miles away, I continue to pray to the Lord every night for your safety. When you were in NS, I prayed to Him that the commanders weren't too harsh to you as I heard of the horror stories from my schoolmates. I asked the Lord to protect you from all the "ghosts and pontianaks" that might be lurking around in the night.
Just the sight of the signal popping out from the right hand bottom corner of screen, indicating you came online, made my heart flutter. But I could only gaze forlornly at the chatbox, the always-empty chatbox. Because I know you will never greet me first. I could never summon the courage to type a "Hi" inside.
I don't know why I could fall for you so much, I don't know much about you, but it was just so mysterious. I'm always invisible in your eyes, and am fading away ever since you left. Now, I think I have totally disappeared from your world- out of sight, out of mind. I cried and cried upon receiving this devastating news that you've found your "one".
I've decided to let go, for real this time. You were the only one who could instill a sense of euphoria in me. But I've finally understood...it actually ended long ago when you left. But I still clung on...reluctant to release you. It was my foolishness who led me to my downfall. It's OK, I can finally accept what you've done to me and to let go. Maybe some time later, we might meet again, and all my hatred for you have dissipated...but till then, let me learn how to continue living bravely...
